Ten years ago. It seems ages away and yet, I still feel 18… or so. Ten years ago I was a chubby, awkward, teenage boy, trying very hard to take Matric (the final year of school) seriously, and failing horribly. I had gotten contact lenses that year, so of course, I was Mr Stud Muffin. More muffin than stud in my case. With my ever quicker headlong rush to thirty, where apparently your entire life magically falls into place and gets organised and you get your letter of maturity in the post… And I forgot where I was going with this. Hmm. It must be time for the next paragraph.
Like a time traveller! The next paragraph. A magical land indeed. Ah! I remembered what I wanted to say. Good on you, Kyle. So as I approach marking thirty trips around the big ball of flaming gas, its lead me to have some personal introspection. How far have I come since leaving school and going into the big wide world? Thats a question I find hard to gauge. On one level, its as if nothing has changed and I have been standing still. On anther side, its as though I have completely left old Kyle behind and turned into this blogging geek. Well less blogging. And more geek. And in the process managed to lose half a small family’s worth of blubber. Now I can see my stomach when I look down. Hoorah!
Looking back – I finished school, travelled to exotic locations, found a job, looked after myself, found friends, moved across the globe, found another job, found shinny new friends, and now look after myself and cat. I don’t know if the cat is an upgrade, but she is better than 99% of the TV out there when it comes to entertainment. So I guess I’ll keep her around for when the power goes out. 10 years, its not exactly much. Its half of some peoples life and exactly the same as some others. When it comes to goals and accomplishments I don’t feel I have achieved much in this time. Its entirely reasonable that the blame lies squarely on the cat. Well the cat and my easy going nature. Theres not a lot that bothers me when we get down to the nitty gritty and I suppose it works the other way too.
So in 10 years, I am sitting here asking myself what I have done. And the harsh reality is that I have done nothing exceptional. I am not really outstanding in any department. I am completely average. Is that good, or good enough? I cant do goals. They seem like dragons, holding the princess in another castle. I get there and end up having chips with the dragon while we play Xbox. The princess was fine before I arrived, theres no reason that she will suddenly catch a case of the measles while I make friends. Ok, don’t worry, I don’t even know what I am saying there – but in my mind it was funny, although pointless.
And that dear reader is my internal monologue and debate. Have I done much, if anything, in my 10 laps in the cosmic swimming pool? And what will the next 10 laps hold? I don’t really know. I am driven by a force that wants to be better than I was yesterday, but the truth is that I don’t know how. I know how to be me. And I know what I want and need. The cat informs me of her needs, so I don’t even need to worry about that.
And I know I have waxed lyrical about this subject for tonight. So to you, dear reader, I bid adieu.
Categories: Blog
